Have you ever experienced times in your life where you felt like the enemy was getting the best of you? Have you ever felt that something was bothering you but couldn’t quite put your finger on it?
Well I recently have been there. So many wonderful things have been happening to me externally but lately it seemed that my internal being was being attacked (mentally & emotionally).
I would find myself getting weary & tired easily and I even found myself almost at a nonchalant state. Yes, I knew all of the steps that I was to take in order to rid myself of my funk (pray, fast, praise, worship…) but I even struggled to do that.
Why? Not because I didn’t believe they would work but I was simply like, “I know all of this…I just want things to change.”
You may be wandering, “girl, what was wrong with you?!” and that’s a question that I cannot even answer because I didn’t know either! And that is where my frustration resided. I seriously felt that my faith was being attacked by a S.W.A.T. team and it was getting the best of me.
I knew I had crazy faith and I knew I believed in all that God had spoken to me BUT my head didn’t seem to match my heart and it concerned me like crazy.
I didn’t get to a place of doubt but I got to a point of, “ok God I know you are going to do it because you told me a million times but you can just do it and not tell me anymore because I know you are…I just don’t know when.”
Instead of being TOLD over and over what was to come I simply wanted to SEE it. Ever been in one of those “how soon is soon and please don’t tell me to wait one more time” kind of situations?
Standing in my kitchen confused about my feelings I asked God, “Where am I?” “Is my life still pleasing to you?” “What season am I in?” “Why do I feel confused about what is going on?”
I figured if I were in a “winter” (isolation) season it would help me understand a little bit more. He didn’t answer what season I was in but he had me finish watching the video above by T.D. Jakes. I started watching it the other day but never finished.
As I was watching it I was still feeling a little weary thinking, “OMG my faith must not be where it needs to be and I am part of the problem!”
But that still was not the answer because my faith wasn’t the issue. God gave me my answer at the very end. As I was listening to his final comments I began to cry because God helped me to understand what I was experiencing. Every word that Bishop said at the end spoke directly to all of my internal struggles!
It even reminded me of a blog I posted a while ago pertaining to going through this process!
Here is what Bishop Jakes said in a sermon (Posted Oct 18, 2013):
“So the Lord sent this message as a location mechanism for you to understand where you are…you think that the enemy is attacking you. You think you are going through spiritual warfare. But this is not the enemy and this is not spiritual warfare. This is God taking what you heard and what you believed and He is mixing it together.
The Lord told me to tell you…you are not lost, you are not in trouble, the enemy is not winning. Let me tell you where you are…you’re in the mix! ”
Maybe this is the exact same place that you are in. Maybe it is not the enemy attacking you…but maybe it is just God preparing you!
As I mentioned in my blog here, the mixing and baking process is never fun while you are going through it…BUT it is very necessary!
May your mind now find peace with this new revelation into your situation. Please take the time to finish watching the sermon as well if you have not already.
“You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.”