So I was flipping through some of my old journals and found it quite interesting to see my journey unfold over the course of so many years. After growing and maturing so much over the years it was sort of a mixture of humor, embarrassment, and pain to read some of the things I wrote. I found myself saying, “OMG what was wrong with me back then?!” a lot!
I did find one poem that I posted below. I wrote it November 2008 and at this point in my life I was struggling with being single, obviously by the words that I wrote in this poem so here goes…
I’m Cryin’ Out
These feelings inside of me I just don’t understand
I’m fighting, I’m struggling, I feel I’m doing all I can.
I’m not how I use to be not too long ago
What happened to the fire down in me desiring to grow?
One day, two days, maybe even three
Of me going without your word, I’m dying to be free.
I’m cryin’ out cuz I don’t know what’s wrong
I feel like I’m going back and forth like two people hittin’ a pong
I wanna do right Lord, honestly I do
But I think my mind gets caught up in desiring a boo.
I’m searching for love, but maybe in all the wrong places
I’m trying to see you Lord but it’s hard with all these other faces.
I’m cryin’ out cuz I just don’t understand
When is it my turn? When will God send me a man?
Maybe that’s my problem, my focus is just off
I got this odd love bug like a child with a bad cough
Or maybe love’s not the issue, maybe it’s just he
The he’s of all my past that just won’t let me be.
My past is the past but it seems to surface up
It seems to always attract me like a little baby pup.
Look up is what they tell me when I’m feeling a lil’ down
It’s getting harder and harder to breath
I’m cryin’ out cuz I just wanna be set free.
Free me from bondage and free me from doubt
Help me to stand my grand and know what it’s about
My struggles that is, cuz I just don’t understand
I’m tryin I’m tryin saying “I think I can I think I can”
Lord search my heart and help me to overcome
This inner struggle I have that makes me feel that it has won
I’m cryin’ out for help Lord I wanta be free
Don’t turn your face from me Lord, see me Lord, see me!
(Originally written by me November 21, 2008)
This is actually not a current issue for me but I thought I’d share it any was. It is nice to reflect over your life to see how much you have changed and grown (hence why I am an avid journal supporter 🙂 )
∆ Phone God: Lord I am so grateful for the growth that I have made over these few years of my life. I thank you for all of the lessons that I have learned that have brought me to a better place in my life physically and spiritually. I pray that I continue to grow higher rather than descend. I also ask that you search my heart and know my anxious thoughts and reveal to me the areas in my life that I have been trying to fill with other things when in actuality, those voids can only be filled by you. Help me to be content in whatever season I am in and to cherish each season because I know each are for a specific and meaningful reason. I ask all of these things in Jesus name, Amen.
∆ Chew on this:
- “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:11-13
- “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” – Song of Solomon 2:7
- “So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam[h] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[i] and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[j] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” – Genesis 2:20-22
∆ Ponder on this:
- What changes have you made over the past few years?
- What are some areas in your personal life that you still could use some growth in?
- If you are single:
- Are you discontent and if so what is it about this season that bothers you so much?
- Is God enough for you to fill those voids in your life?
- Ladies, are you trying to awaken your Adam before it’s time? (Also, read this blog post by Heather Lindsey called “WHERE is my ADAM?!?!”
∆ Act on this:
- So I challenge you today to start journaling if you have not already done so.
- Find out the real reasons for being discontent as a single and allow God to fill those voids that only He can anyways.
- Allow God to prepare you as He concurrently prepares your man or woman.
© Trillion Small 2013 All Rights Reserved.