Wow, the last day of 2012! What can I say, this has been one of the most challenging, heart breaking, stressful, painful, uncomfortable, and uncertain year YET it has been the most strengthening, faith building, peace giving, beneficial, and rewarding year!
This may sound a bit confusing but this year I really experienced beauty for my pain. At first I planned on writing a list of all that I had learned in 2012 but I decided to just go with thinking of one word to sum up my entire year! (Read Anna’s blog here if you want to see how my list would have probably turned out…our 2012 year seems to have been identical lol).
Ok, so after pondering over many words I narrowed it down and came up with one simple word that truly does sum up my year and that word is…drum roll please….Change!
How does the word Change suit my life:
By me saying, “I am not the same woman that I was at the beginning of this year” may sound a bit cliché but nevertheless it is true. 2012 has been a year that stretched my identity and views of myself. I am very confident but I discovered that I had much insecurity that I covered up. These insecurities affected my interactions with others because I was never comfortable in revealing my struggles because I always had the image of “always having everything together” so I couldn’t allow my struggles to be exposed. After all, people came to me for help so I had to remain strong.
I have always been an expert at covering up what is really going on and never allowing others to see my struggles. This was one HUGE change for me because during this journey I discovered that it was truly okay to cry and be the feminine woman that I am and say NO I AM NOT OKAY! In my first semester of my program I created this video and it will tell you my story of personal growth (click here for video).
We could be here all night with this one but one thing that I have come to realize is that the more you draw closer to God the more your outlook and perspective on things changes. I viewed so many things from one viewpoint but my eyes have been open to so many new revelations that it has been crazily awesome.
Even during this journey my outlook on God’s character has changed. I would always know in my head that He was a grace giving and faithful God but this year I have actually been able to experience that side of God for myself personally. Grace, mercy, and faithfulness are the 3 main characteristics of God that I have gotten realllly familiar with! He has just blown me out of the water this year with these 3 things.
The biggest test for me spiritually this year has been in my faith. As I reflect back to January it really shouldn’t have been a shock that 2012 was going to be a faith-stretching year but hindsight is always 20/20 I’ve heard, lol. In January it was prophesied to me that I had faith as solid as steel and that I was standing firm on my faith foundation. When I first heard this I was like “uhm, maybe you have the wrong guy (girl, but guy just sounded better)” lol. Don’t get me wrong now. I believed and had faith but to hear that I had solid faith was very interesting.
That prophetic word was a foretelling of what was to come. I had faith then but NOW I can truly say that I do have faith as solid as steel. In January maybe not so much but after being pushed and pulled and molded and set ablaze…yes, now I do!
Another thing that was prophesied to me during this time was, “my heart extends through my hands to love like Jesus did and that I am able to see needs and see with His eyes and feel with His heart and that makes me a very unique and beautiful person.”
When I first heard this I was so excited and thought that that was so sweet of Jesus to have them tell me that! I thought this was great because it is always my prayer and hopes to become more like Him. But whoo nelly I did not take into consideration the other part of being “Christ-like” the part that we all try to avoid; the hurtful side. Being Christ-like not only includes the nice, sweet, and gentle things but it also includes the same negative treatments. Being neglected, betrayed, mistreated, abandoned, hurt by the ones you cared for, doing all you can and still get nothing in return, yea all of that stuff!
This year has truly opened my heart to experiencing some of the things that He feels. When that boo of yours no longer wanted to be with you…how did it make you feel? When a good friend was no longer your friend…how did that make you feel? When you gave everything and got nothing back…how did that make you feel? When you were faithful and got cheated on…how did that make you feel? When they said they would always be there but gave you false hope and promises…how did that make you feel? When you were betrayed…how did that make you feel? When you reached out for support and didn’t get it…how did that make you feel? When you were rejected…how did that make you feel? When you were ignored…how did that make you feel?
Exactly…so now how do you think God feels when we cheat on him with people and things of the world by putting them first, when we didn’t worship and praise because it was inconvenient, when we didn’t share of His goodness, when we didn’t spend time with Him like we should have, when we forgot about Him while things were good but went back begging when things got tough, when you lied, cheated, mistreated others, done things that you shouldn’t have done and knew it…how do you think that made Him feel?
God is a jealous God for us! He doesn’t want anyone or anything in front of Him and He will do what He has to to be sure that doesn’t happen. I discovered just how relentless He is for our love and attention! Hosea 2 shows that very well! (listen to Wont Relent by Jesus Culture)
Yep, these are some of the things I experienced all to learn what it was like to have a portion of His suffering! “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” – Philippians 3:10. So you say you want to be Christ-like…but are you willing to endure the good, the bad, and the ugly too?
Was it all painful? Indeed! Would I want to do it all over again? Not at all! Was it the most maturing and strengthening seasons? You can better your last $2 it was! Am I grateful for the pain? Yes I am because it has made me stronger than ever!
Ok, I did say I wouldn’t keep you all night but just thinking about this year truly gets me excited because God took all of the heartache, struggles, and pain and used them all for my good and it all was just a set up for what I know is about to be the beginning of the best years of my life!
So as I attempt to wrap up here, I have chosen the word Change to sum up my 2012 experiences. There are so many things about me personally and spiritually that have changed for the good so what better word to use!
And to top it all off perfectly I had a dream this morning that I woke up from around 8am. I am a dreamer and God speaks to me through visions and dreams frequently. This dream in particular last night was the icing on the cake of my 2012 year! Basically, I was a student in high school and I was heading to the cafeteria. When I walked in a teacher approached me with a bad attitude and told me to tuck my shirt in. I responded and said, “we are women so we do not have to tuck our shirts in”. Long story short I ended up tucking my shirt in and sat down but then I realized that she was being unfair and unjust for telling me to do something that I really did not have to do and something that she didn’t even make other girls do. I stood up and un-tucked my shirt and I walked out of the cafeteria after we exchanged a few more words. As I was walking out of the cafeteria I woke from the dream and heard a soft whisper in my heart say, “last day of hell”. I won’t spend time giving interpretation to every minor detail in this dream but that final part of the dream was enough said!
I woke up rejoicing because parts of 2012 has felt that way! Not only is this a personal word for me but I feel it is also a corporate word for the body as well. So many have had one heck of a year but I declare and decree over my life and yours too that today is the last day of hell for us! Look out 2013 the BEST is yet to come!
∆ Phone God: Good day Daddy! It is the last day of the year and I am just so grateful for how you have kept me this past year from all danger seen and unseen. I thank you for giving me breath in my body to see yet another year! I pray that as I reflect over 2012 you will help me to see where you were in every season in my life. I am grateful for the painful times because it has made me stronger and it was all just a set up for the best years to come! 2013 is going to rock hard and I am excited to see all that you do this new year in and through me! Love you so much! In Jesus name, Amen.
Chew on this:
- Matthew 26:36-46- No help from friends
- Matthew 26: 14-30- Betrayal
- Matthew 26:69-75 Denied
- “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:12-14
Ponder on this:
- What have you learned in 2012?
∆ Act on this:
- Don’t leave your lessons in 2012! Take them with you on into 2013 too!
- Forget about the past and move forward.
- Write a vision for your life and create a list of things you wish to accomplish in 2013 and set deadlines for yourself. Read this blog here that I wrote to help you with your 2013 planning.
© Trillion Small 2012 All Rights Reserved.